Short-Hair Halloween Costumes That Don't Suck

Featuring Meredith Blake, Penny Lane, and other last-minute show-stoppers.

Spooky Season has long been one of my favorite times of the year, despite its arrival simultaneously coinciding with the demise of summer (my actual favorite time of year). I start sneaking Halloween-adjacent items into my space the last week of September, which includes festive fall decor items, like leafy garlands and autumnal scented soaps (the ”Acorn Spice” Mrs. Meyers dish soap* will change your life; take it from someone without a dishwasher).

Once October 1 hits, enter: fake dachshund skeleton, flapping bat-wing wall decals, and the mad dash to plan a Halloween costume that doesn’t suck. Growing up, I couldn’t wait to transform into whatever character-of-the-week had captured my attention, and it didn’t hurt that after becoming, say, a green-faced witch with cobweb-speckled boots, I could then dive into a pillowcase full of candy. Knowing what to wear for Halloween was a puzzling enigma to be solved alongside my mom, who painstakingly handmade most of my costumes (the “witch” one was featured in our local newspaper, shoutout Mom!).

My October Off-Duty Uniform: “I’d Rather Be Ghost Hunting” Hat (purchased this one to attend a “Supernatural” convention a few years back); Talbot’s Shirt (old); Banana Republic Jacket (thrifted at Crossroads in Williamsburg, Brooklyn); Levi’s jeans; Gucci bag; Rings (vintage)

But let’s get down to brass tax. (Thanks for your patience, as you can probably tell, I really love October.) Today, we’re talking great Halloween costumes to wear when you have short hair. I have personally executed THREE, and collaged the look and feel for your reading pleasure below.

1.) Meredith Blake from “The Parent Trap”
The villainous 26-year-old scheming to take over Nick Parker’s life needs no introduction, and the good news is her hiking ‘fit is gloriously easy to recreate in a pinch (as long as you’ve got your Evian bottle and rubber lizard nearby, of course).

[Editor’s Note: I wore this to a costume party this past weekend on the Lower East Side, and the bouncer almost didn’t let me in because he feared I broke the “must wear a costume” rule. I explained who I was and pointed to the lizard on my head, and the doors opened right up.]

The Costume:

• Black workout wear (diehards can find her exact outfit online, but if you’re really going for down-to-the-details accuracy, her Prada backpack might set you back a bit)

• Rubber lizard (I bought this one off Amazon!)

• Evian water bottle

• Bonus Points: You could really lean in with a couple of sticks (they keep the mountain lions away, if you know you know), or a little bottle of sugar water masquerading as bug spray to “attract every mosquito in the state” (again, #IYKYK).

The Taglines (aka, what to say every time you greet someone at the Halloween party):

• “Somebody hand me my Evian.”

• “Being young and beautiful is not a crime, you know?”

• “Get the picture? It's me, or them. Take your pick.”

2.) Trinity from “The Matrix”
Trinity goes down in my Halloween Hall of Fame as one of the best minimum-effort, maximum-reward costumes to wear. (Plus, putting this look together last year taught me I actually can successfully style the wet-hair look, which was news to me, folks!) Trinity is basically my all-time favorite heroine for all kinds of reasons, but the opening scene of the first movie, when she’s running from the agent, is my Roman Empire.

The Costume:

• Black tank top (I went the cotton route, but obvs Trinity is no stranger to a latex moment), black pants, boots, and belt

• Sunglasses (I took some liberties here because I really wanted to wear these pink-lensed sunglasses I had just gotten in Shoreditch, but if you’re going for accuracy, you’ll want some tiny black sunglasses)

• Hair gel (you gotta slick that hair back! And while we’re here, how come no one includes Trinity in their round-ups of “clean-girl” beauty icons?)

• Phone prop (I made mine out of cardboard and Duct tape)

• Bonus Points: A pleather trench coat can really seal the deal, although it can also seal in the heat, which is a no-go for me at pretty much any indoor Halloween gathering.

The Taglines:

• “My name’s Trinity.”

• “Touch me, and that hand will never touch anything again.”

• “I know why you're here, Neo.”

3.) Penny Lane from “Almost Famous”
There is something so disarmingly charming about Penny Lane the character, and that’s before you even get into the fascinating history of groupies (though loyal “Almost Famous” fans will recall Lane dramatically declares herself a band-aid, not a groupie). Don’t mistake this muse for a Manic Pixie Dream Girl either, as the movie ends with her realizing her own dream, totally separate from any male protagonist’s, of flying to Morocco. Add in a boho blouse, suede mini skirt, backstage Stillwater pass, and you’re on your way.

The Costume:

• White peasant blouse with floral embroidery

• Brown suede miniskirt

• Backstage pass

• Bonus Points: The Penny Lane coat is wonderful addition, but your backstage pass to a show for the fictional band Stillwater will make your identity pretty obvious, in my humble opinion. I nixed the coat here for the same reason I nixed Trinity’s latex one (comfort comes first, baby!).

The Taglines:

• “You're too sweet for rock and roll.”

• “It's all happening.”

• “I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if you never take it seriously, you never get hurt, you never get hurt, you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.”
  

4.) Margot from “The Royal Tenenbaums”
I’d be remiss not to to include the acclaimed playwright, child prodigy, and global jet-setter Margot Tenenbaum, the costume of choice for quirky bob-lovers everywhere. If you love both aughts-era fashion choices and Wes Anderson, then this is the short-hair costume for you. (I watched this movie for the first time last year, and my take-away was that, yes, acting moody and mysterious actually does make your outfit look 1,000 times better, especially if you can synchronize your slow-motion entrance to “These Days” by Nico.) Fortunately for us, anyone can pretend to be mysterious for a night!

The Costume:

• Blue striped polo dress

• Red hair barrette (and the distinctive side part)

• Dark loafers

• Faux-fur coat

• Brown handbag

• Pink gloves

• Black eyeliner

The Tagline:

• “I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.”

There you have it! Four short-hair Halloween costumes that don’t suck, some more easily executed at the last-minute than others. <3

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